WOWZA

wow. the only word that runs through my mind is wow.
tonight, led worship at praxis, and God was totally there. From the moment Jared began to bang on that dead cow of his (the african drum..)...dang. so good!! i think Leeland must feel this way when he hears an entire church or stadium full of people worshipping. Leeland, i think i know how you feel and i want to feel that way every day. after Hosanna, which in itself just sounded beautiful, i threw in amazing grace, but the version that the almost does. and i put my head down and played, and everyone kept singing and it was this angelic, so sweet, pure and innocent sound. but yet it was filled with so much. with desperation. with pleas. with hurting. and everyone sang it out to God. what a beautiful sound. this, ladies and gentlemen, is what i live for.

and during the message, philippians 1, God showed me something i needed to see. there is a verse that says something like "how am i sure of my deliverance? because i believe in the power of prayer and the spirit of Jesus Christ." and that hit my heart hard! i wrote in my journal, "how am i sure that i will divorce you Ed? because i believe in the power of prayer and spirit of Jesus Christ." Then i wrote in big letters, BE GONE ED. tonight, i feel so free from Ed and his terrible grips on me, but i know that attacks are yet to come because the closer i get to signing the divorce papers, the more Ed fights to get me back. I know for sure that he is preparing something huge thats going to catch me off guard. but if i keep a tight hold on my Jesus, there is nothing, no attack from Ed, that can pull me down into his abusive arms. if i hold tight to my Jesus, i will forever be free.

The Lion of Judah has broken every chain. He gives me power, hallelujah, day by day.
The Lion of Judah has broken my ties to Ed, He hasnt seen us married since Ed abused me. He gives me power to fight back and throw Ed to the ground. Hallelujah, Praise the God who took me back as His bride and always will! Praise the God who saved me and loves me and doesnt tell me that im worthless. Every day He will remind me that im His princess. His daughter. His creation! His mercies are new EVERY morning.