i am selfish. tired. sick of the noises coming from my fan. sick of myself. sick of not understanding myself. sick of falling into the same trap inside my head. straight up sick.
i fumble a pill between my fingers... and i hurt. because of all of the desires i have building up inside me.
i want to change the world. to stand up for myself. for other people. for the children. for the abused. to say that i genuinely care. to rock and to shake the comfort. to live further than the words. to say that i am a part of something better.
but here i am. angry.
and yanni uses way too much synthesizer in his music.
its early morning and there's something i can't shake. its a little hard to see the light.
In this past week or so, I have felt incredibly content. Even though my jeans feel tighter and I can't see my collar bone as clearly, I feel content. It is a weird feeling...but a nice one at that. I don't know why.
and i get lost with every wrong step that i take. its a little hard to gun this fight.
I found something to focus on. All this beauty has grabbed me in the most intense, most gripping, most death defying way. Every morning is a new day. A new chance. Every morning I choose life. Therapy has been wrong all along. This is a choice.
take time to understand that i don't do this often
I have been taking chances, second glances, at the wonder I used to skip out on. And while skipping out is gloriously freeing; in the end, it cripples me. It cuts me out of life. It trips me and holds me on the floor. I'll take my time to enjoy the scenery.
take time to watch me stand.
i've got a few more chances to find this ground beneath me and i can feel it
I don't have to identify myself any way. I can choose to simply live and be and enjoy and love. Its my own version of therapy. Giving it up and letting something better take over. Its something that rehabilitation will never satisfy. Its this desire. Its this plan. Oh, Love, you'll never fail me now.
i wake up and i dont think that my road is far away
I faintly see something incredible coming, but I clearly see something incredible right next to me. And it is freeing. It is beyond my explanation. I choose life. I choose love. I choose you.
i wake up and i can see that freedom is not my stowaway