Tuesday, May 19, 2009


My best friend and I often go to the park to worship.
I take my guitar.
Yesterday, our emotions came bursting out in a new song.

when you break down, i will break down too
when you cry out, i will cry out too
when you fall down, i will fall after you
when you break down, i will break down too

and i have seen many things in storybooks
but i never thought i'd see you breaking down with me

when you're joyful, i will be joyful too
when you're laughing, i will laugh along with you
in the moment when you're singing that tune
i will sing out along with you

and i have hear many things from storybooks
but i never thought i would hear you singing along with me

we see your mercy surrounding
we cry out when your heart bleeds for your kingdom
we see the joy in your creation
we're desperate to know you more

and i have seen many things in storybooks
i know you were dying for this broken world
i dont deserve this from you
and i never thought you would love me like you do

you have seen everything beyond storybooks
but you still me for me

Two children are sold into sex slavery every minute.

What if you could change that?

Music Beyond Reason is coming up.
We're raising money and awareness for Love146. If you have read any of these posts, you know about love146. But just in case...check out love146.org.

The concert is on May 29th at the Calvary Chapel Redlands Amphitheater. Its free and starts at 7:00 PM

Be there and be changed. Let it affect you in the deepest sense. Come and listen to some great music for an amazing cause. We're saving lives. Freeing the enslaved. Healing the broken.
Its important.
Its important that you come.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

have you ever choked out tears?
seriously. its like youre throwing up emotion. that happened to me tonight. and it hasnt happened in a while. all of a sudden, i threw up emotion. i didnt literally throw up, but i felt it come out of me as if i was throwing up. thats the only way i can explain it.

this thought:
if the statistics are correct, while i was on stage tonight, 240 children were sold into sex slavery.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

for just a moment...let me be paralytic.

i dont feel like i can move.
out of this year getting involved with love146, never have i been more affected than i am right now.
i read 16 different problems that are frequent in sex trafficking victims.
read them. let them soak in.
these children know pain that i will never know.

1. Infections (skin, urinary,

2. Injuries – soreness of or
bleeding in genitals or anal
region; chronic genital
irritation; bruises, bleeding
or discharge in other parts
of the body

3. Undernourishment
because of lack of meals
and insufficient sleep

4. Aches and pains such as
headaches, abdominal pain,

5. Difficulty in sitting or

6. Difficulty in elimination

7. Sudden sweating or
heart palpitations

8. Changes in sleep
patterns/difficulty initiating
and/or maintaining sleep

9. Changes in
appetite/eating disorders

10. Weakened immune

11. Drug/alcohol abuse

12. Pregnancy

13. Brain damage due to
malnutrition, head injuries,
and drug abuse

14. Consequences of
criminal abortion – local
and generalized infection,
bleeding, emergency

15. Physical effects of
psychological disorders
(For example, obsessivecompulsive
manifested by frequent
hand-washing, resulting in
hand lesions)

16. Somatoform disorders –
bodily symptoms
suggestive of a medical
condition producing
significant distress or
impairment but without
evidence of diagnosable
medical condition
i cant be silent. can you? join me.
lets fight this.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

im a songwriter for a boy band.

never thought it would come down to this...
here goes...

Verse 1
you know the feeling when you're itching to let something out?
well i can feel it and its bursting through my veins to shout
i think i know its when the music starts to come into
the windows of my car down the highway and im feeling smooth

im a radio junkie
singing as loud as i can
i dont care what everyone sees
oh, let them all stare
when the radio's blasting
turn up the volume so loud
ive gotta sing in my car, oh
come on and let it all out

Verse 2
im in the moment and i dont care who is watching me
(no, no, no)
'cuz when the music's on, there's nothing else that i can feel
(ooh, mmm)
dancing through the lyrics, letting my inhibition go
(let it go)
i'll look folish, but i want this moment to take control


Oh! let your worries go!
Oh! turn up the radio!
Oh! what have you got to lose?
Oh! we're all radio junkies, we gotta turn up the music and let loose!!


done. go ahead and laugh. its brilliant.
waiting to happen is happening.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Back At the Beginning.

Hello lonely internet world.
I feel like I should recap on my life as of the past week or so.
Its been incredibly rough. The question I keep having is "How did I get here so easily?"
Let me explain:
I relapsed. Really badly. I was going on a latte and maybe a piece of toast every day...plus lots and lots of water to stifle the ache in my stomach. Then I would hide out in coffee bean all day doing my homework, run to work, and run to rehearsal. I dont know how much weight I lost, I'm assuming a ridiculous amount. My scale is broken so I was never able to check, which is probably a good thing.
Anyway, the point isnt to tell you all the bad things I have been doing. Its to tell you that its so incredibly easy for me to fall further back into my weaknesses. I have no idea, well almost, where all of this came from. I dont want to see food as an enemy. It would be the best if I never thought about my body or food again. I would love it if when I go to order something at a restraunt, numbers of calories dont come up in my head. I would love it if I could order whatever sounded good without thinking about grease and oil and fat. I would love it if I wasnt haunted by calorie intake.
But the thing is, I am. I am haunted and obsessed with it. I dont know how it came about, I dont know where it developed, but its there. And I have to deal with it. Its the worst and seems impossible sometimes. Like right now, I dont feel like I can handle it...but I dont have a choice.I almost got put back in the hospital last night. At first, it seemed like the scariest idea, but now, it seems like a weird comfort. I know the hospital fixed me...at least a little bit. I know it would again, but would it be a cop out? Its easier to be forced to stop everything. but to do it on my own will, thats true strength.
Thats where im at. Im back at the beginning. A place where I have to focus on getting healthy. I fell back in the hole for a little while and it sucked. It still does, but Im going to try really hard with the help of some really awesome friends. I'll be alright.