About recovery (or the lack of), about love, about life, about the future, about the people I've managed to hurt, about whether or not I will capitalize the 'I's in this post...
I've reached a weird conclusion:
[I will capitalize them]
I have never wanted to recover for someone else. It has always been because I was tired of fighting and the only way to get rid of the ongoing war inside my mind was to fight through it and win. I conquered. I fought for myself. But here, amidst the instruments and amidst the magic, I want to fight because he wants me to fight. It's a strange feeling that I haven't fully assessed yet. How can I recover because of someone else? And why would I want to do that?
1. I don't want everything I say to him to be about my struggle for power inside a place that no one else may go.
2. I want to live. I want to live alongside him. [Truly, truly, this leads to death or something similar]
3. I don't want him to leave me. Yes, yes, I know that he promises, he pleads to stay with me and see me through the battle, but so have others. They have promised. They have vowed. They have, over and over, made that statement. I believe this one. I believe he holds my heart, but in the back of my mind, there might be a day where I drive him away with my never-ending struggle for victory. Ushindi.
It was a long and dark December. From the rooftops I remember there was snow; white snow.
Somewhere inside of me I want freedom more than anything. Somewhere inside of me, there is a girl dying to be strong and powerful. She is meek and timid and she doesn't know how to get out. I can't find her.
Donnez-moi votre Tumaini.
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