Monday, September 1, 2008

the worst is over

there's something about people coming out to pray for me. they take the time out of their busy schedules to come and pray for a girl that they hardly know. i love that.
ive been through quite a lot this weekend. i thought you, the people of the internet, might enjoy reading about it...or something...
on friday, first i woke up at like nine thirty or something at a house one of my friends is house sitting...totally didnt intend on sleeping there, but i fell asleep on the floor and woke up on the couch with a blanket on me. we went to a gazebo downtown and worshipped. my friend told me that God said "when Lauren worships and lifts her voice up, the heavens have her attention." WHAT?! amazing. sometimes, i feel like no one is really listening to my song. my music has so much meaning and i feel like sometimes, people only hear my voice. its so much more than just music. so to be told that the heavens have my attention, i was extremely excited. just as i began to play my new song "the water", the clouds opened up and the sun was so bright, like a spotlight on me. it was hot, but it was the coolest thing. after that i went to a meeting with joe where i was told that the recording of my full length cd would cost ten grand and take more than nine months. so right there, my dreams crushed. i will not be recording a new album. if anyone out there has ten grand and would like to sponsor me, shoot, bring it on. i want to record so badly. its my biggest passion and i was told no. its hard to hear, but im slowly getting it into my head that maybe this isnt what God wants me to do right now. there's something better of course. there always is.
so then on saturday, i went to a sunrise worship which was awesome. it started to pour down rain. then off to the well. a prayer house in mentone. people came that i didnt even know, and they prayed for me. they prophesyed over me and spoke in tongues and just thanked God for me. it was incredible. they said so many things that i just latched onto. one thing: my name means "victorious one". WHOA! victorious one. how amazing is that? and they said "lets throw out this word 'recovering' and replace it with 'recovered'. i am no longer chained to ed. i have already been set free. the only reason i struggle now is because ed keeps trying to chain me back in. i cant get depressed anymore for thinking that i have such a long way away from full recovery because i have already been recovered! i am free! and what is better? i never have to go back through all of that! its such an amazing feeling. i love it.
one thing that hit me hard was this: "most christians see the world as being dead, but you can see the life in people. and because you've already walked through the valley of the shadow of death, you can help people walk through it. you can bring the life out in people." thats awesome. i see the life in people. its so true. God has given me such an understanding about the lost and "dead". i have almost a sixth sense about girls with eating disorders. i know if they have one and what to say to them, sometimes without even talking to them. God has given me that. most people may see them dead, but i see the hurting and the pain in them. i see their brokenness. i see their hardships. but i also see their light. i see that they can come to life. and i know how to help them feel that. i was meant to help save the world. i really want to do just that.
one lady told me that i will start waking up with songs that God has given me in my sleep. and its been happening. i have a song about hypocrisy that God gave me. it was incredible. so cool.
when the ladies were praying for me, they were speaking in tongues and it sounded like swahili. it sounded like this phrase that a friend of mine always says. i dont know if it was, but that would just say a lot about this whole africa thing.
anyways, that was my weekend. i learned a lot. i feel so strong now. its wonderful and i love my new strength that i have found.
mostly, God is teaching me that i have already been through the worst. the worst is over.

1 comment:

MaleahRaquelle said...

lauren, when u sing i feel like the heavens have been opened..not only do u have a beautiful voice. when u sing . you sing for Him. and i feel it. and it makes me feel so alive and happy. sometimes when i hear people sing its just words on a page that someone wrote...but even though it was once or twice i got to witness the amazing gift God gave to you to share with the world, i felt so at peace and God definetly did that through you. so i just wanted you to know...i listen to the song and i see the meaning ...and it is indescribable =)

thank you jesus !!