Direction and Purpose

God has really driven my thoughts recently, even as I write this. There is such a transformation going on inside of me right now, its unbelievable...or maybe its believable.
maybe i'll present a list of some sort to show you, internet people.
-"Lauren, my daughter, find peace and rest." I've been asking for healing for a long time, why should i be surprised that He has given it to me? A lot of times i find myself sitting, laying, standing, walking, frolicking...etc...in anxiety. I worry about the weirdest things; some large, some miniscule. But God catches me every time and says that first quote. "Lauren, my daughter, find peace and rest." It really keeps me in check. Why am I freaking out? Is this really that important that I need to interrupt my day to worry about? I will always find my peace and rest in Him. Its so incredibly important to be able to relax and stop worrying. His word says so much on that. One for example is Philippians 4:6 (which I have painted on my wall...can you tell i worry way too much?) it says, "do not be anxious for anything, but with everything, through prayer and petition, present your requests to God." just think about that for a little bit.
-"Lauren, precious little Lauren, you're going to go through something extremely hard this summer, but Im going to catch you. And this will make you so strong in me, you will do amazing things because of this." and yes, i went through something extremey hard. it was so incredibly hard i didnt think i could make it through. i yelled at God and fought Him. I was so mad that He would let me go through it. But would I undo it? NO WAY! I have never felt so close to God in my life. So much has happened that I feel like I am always talking to Him, checking things out with Him, and just walking with Him. Its an amazing feeling and I love life now.
-"Lauren, beautiful daughter of mine, I want you to be a leader of young girls." My first thought was "uh. im not a leader. i pretty much suck at leading people, i get overwhelmed, i get nervous, i get self conscious, excuse 1, 2, 3, 4, 5..." and He kept saying "Dont tell me what you are not. I made you, I know what you are." WOW! what an awesome thought! when God tells me to do something, He knows I can do it, He made me! You might be thinking, well duh! but again, some things I can be told over and over and over again, but its moments like these that actually get somewhere in my brain. Oh, so I am leading a young girl's group on monday nights 6-8 in yucaipa, ca if anyone that reads this is in jr. high or high school and is interested. contact me.
-Perhaps one of the biggest things God has shown me is this. My friend was praying for me and she felt like she had to tell me the name "Thomas". So she did. I felt like I had to read the story of Thomas from one of the gospels, so I went searching through for anything about Thomas that might speak to me. I came to John...or was it Luke? I think it was Luke. anyways. Its after the resurrection. Jesus appears to eleven of the disciples...Thomas isnt there. The disciples later tell Thomas that they spoke with Jesus. He doesnt believe them and says that He will only believe that Jesus has risen from the dead if he himself puts His fingers where the nails were. So Jesus appears to Thomas and says "Stop doubting and believe." My heart sunk. Such conviction. God was telling me to stop doubting that He would be my everything. He wanted/wants me to believe with all I am that He will be my everything. Its hard. But its so possible. God is my everything. He is always with me. He gives me everything.

and recently, i have such a purpose in life, it amazes me. i am in awe of Him once again. and im excited to see what happens next. i cant wait!!