A fresh set of thoughts

Last night was a tough one to get through.
Church this morning revived me.
While I was sitting through an attack believing that I had to be there, I was believing a huge lie.

The pastor this morning was telling us how one morning at church, he believed that he would never be able to give up lying. He would never be able to give up his core sin. He believed it when the very message he was listening to was about believing that God is bigger than his core sin. I began to think what is my core sin? I feel like I have so many of them.

selfishness
depression
lying

How can I be freed from any of those when they are literally consuming me? I have to believe that I don't have to sit in the depression. I have to believe that there is a time when it will be gone.
There was a time when I felt free from it. I did so much that I never thought I could.

I dont want your encouraging words right now.
I'm sorry, but it makes it worse.
I've heard them all and they will still continue to sound the same so don't try to relate. Don't console me.
I have to come to it myself.


Still there's something else telling me that its worth it.
The strengths, struggles, and sins that I have right now are going to be something beautiful. Its because I have this craziness that I want to save the world. It isn't about me anyway. Its about people that are dying because of injustice in the world. Its because there are people suffering at the hand of a political leader. Its because children are being used, abused, threatened, and killed. I am NOT okay with that. I will lay all of my selfishness--my core sin--aside because I have a heart for the bleeding. I have to go for this.

Maybe instead of coming back completely broken, I'll come back completely healed.

Of course, if its the former, with brokenness comes strength and with strength, we can move the world.

We're changing lives. Breaking down walls. Healing the world.
Activism at its prime ladies and gentlemen.