Service.

I'm a writer.
I can pass the whole day away just by writing
in journals
and documents;
on napkins
and the backs of receipts.
I can fade into my fiction and lose touch of reality
at the point of my pen,
at the mere touch of my keys.

Do I run?
Do I sprint away from the real events,
real emotions of my every day?
Most likely, I run.
Most likely, I fly.
Most likely,
I'm weak and don't want to even look in the face
of a truth,
in the face of my truth.
My truth that even in my strongest points,
there's something that's lost.

I write
and I lose myself
to the thoughts of my pen,
to the people,
the places,
the love that I create.
But is it really an escape,
this thing that I create?
Maybe it's an outlet,
a way to feel,
to think,
to exist,
to make a mark in this world.
I want to encourage, to stretch,
to exalt something more.
Love, its therapeutic.
It's a change, it's a movement
that I'm writing and creating and searching for.

I want to know, I want to learn
what is going on in the world
because my heart is truly seeking,
truly loving.
Darling, ignorance is not bliss.

I don't agree.
I don't agree!
I want to be in this world
because maybe instead of praying and praying,
maybe I'm the action, the answer,
the vehicle for that promise.

And maybe this is the way to die to me.
Me-
who is living, who confessed that addiction is not dead.

Oh stream of consciousness,
you truly bring me to my knees.
Your cackle, your endless tackle
makes me see how truly wretched my thoughts are.
That inside this brain of mine, the ideas i have,
i am ashamed to call mine-
sometimes.

I'm tired of logic, of rationale.
Give me emotional appeal.
I learn from it.
I thrive from it.
Please just give me the emotional appeal.

It's time to get up, time to stand up
because this is something i feel.

No, it's not about me.
It cannot be about me.
I feel most at ease when I'm helping someone else
and the blame is not on me.
I feel at peace when I'm actively involved in today,
in other people,
because love is all I can give.

Oh love, it's all i can give.

And I don't find this funny anymore.