Opportunity Come, Opportunity Go...

Well. I had an interesting week.
I auditioned for an agency called AMTC. amtcworld.com go check it out for more details. i really dont feel like/have the time to explain all about it.
and i got accepted which is totally awesome. i was beginning to think that this was my break, my exciting time, and my in to the music industry where i was made for! but then, the $3585 and modeling/acting training threw itself in there and i found myself incredibly disappointed.
you see, about a month ago, i was praying and driving (potentially dangerous, approach with caution) and i asked God, okay yelled at Him, "I dont know what im doing with this music thing anymore! You do it!!" and He said, gently of course, "write me a love song, and it will happen." So i set off down songwriter lane and attempted to write Him a love song. Friends, it was not easy by any means. But, about a week and a half ago, there it was. I named it "Capture". (I'll most likely post the lyrics up soon...) and I felt like I had finally accomplished what He told me to do. So then came this opportunity to sing at AMTC and I immediately chose "Capture" to sing at my audition. It was an incredible feeling, i must say, since my audition was the first time i had revealed it to anyone. So when I got the call that said "we think you're one of the best songwriters AMTC has seen", you can imagine my excitement.
and now, as i sit here typing this, im wondering how all of this measures up. it seems perfect that i should get in with this song exactly a week after i wrote it. it blew my mind at first. but now, seeing that i would have to do all of this extra stuff that i dont want to do, im not so "blown" about it.
friends, the point is, i need to learn to wait. i need to learn that i wont know everything before it happens. i need to learn to be patient. thats such a hard prayer because asking for patience is easy, learning it is incredibly difficult.
sorry to cut this short, but i have class.
more later. :]
later:
maybe this is one of those lessons of being satisifed with where i am at. that thought alone throws my mind into a chaotic spiral down doubtful road. "but this is what i was made for! this is my destiny! this is everything ive been waiting for and whos to say that this 'opportunity' isn't the breaking point?!" im pretty sure that im going to have to wait for some more extended amount of time...as much as that makes me cringe.
i'll have to be content with what i have, what i am, and what im slowly but surely becoming. so while brooke fraser is traveling the world, saving children's emotional stability through her music, im going to have to be okay with driving my nearly broken green volkswagen beetle with no air conditioner, the windows fully down, and jon foreman and i belting out "i dare you to move" on my twenty minute commute to good 'ol riverside. yes, friends, life is still good even when you don't have a record deal.