Last night I found myself feeling like I needed to confess everything I've done. I used to be suicidal and majorly depressed and I had given into the world. But, I've never actually told anyone the specifics of what I have done. So here it is, people of the internet. I'm confessing what I've done. Take it how you want to.
I have:
starved myself
worked out for four straight hours and therefore passed out
lied to my therapist when I told her I only did one hundred crunches...it was six hundred.
slapped myself in the face repeatedly
overdosed on excedrin which jumpstarted the addiction to it
abused my left arm with combs, brushes, flashlights anything heavy really...by hitting it until it was numb
picked my scalp until it bled...let it scab up and picked it again
scraped the skin off of my fingers until they bled and then played the piano with them so they would bruise under the skin
taped my wrists to cut off the circulation and burn my skin because the tape was so tight
looked in the mirror and despised myself more than anything i had ever seen.
Lastly, and most terrifyingly, I faced death without God.
Friends, dont face death without Him. Last night, as I was realizing I needed to confess all of this as a part of my healing, I broke down with imediate tears when I thought "I faced death without You." What I thought was the worst thing that could happen to me. What I thought was the worst life possible was about to get worse as I was about to die without my God. I ran away from Him and I almost died. I was hours away from death. And I was not with Him. That terrifies me. I am saved by Him, He loves me more than I hated myself. The song "Amazing Grace" has never rung more true to me. Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now Im found; was blind, but now I see. I can apply that to my life so well and its beautiful. Friends I pray that you wont face death without Him. Please, love Him, let Him save you. Let Him heal you.
Dont face death without Him.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Lauren Mosher. I love you darling with all of my heart and all of my soul. You have a very special place in my heart and you will hold the position until the end of time. I hope that we can be lifelong friends walking together. Please understand that no matter where our lives take us, i hope that we will be the greatest of friends. I love you Migofriend.
Post a Comment