Sunday, February 21, 2010

I hate titles.

tonight, i just want to sink into (his arms) the couch.
in therapy, i talked about sinking into my green leather couch. something about it is still comforting. something about being enveloped into that couch calms my chaotic mess of a life. sometimes, i am faced with a cold dose of reality.
however, this coldly-thwarted reality that collides with my face like a dead fish is typically my own. it is twenty times more painful running into a reality that is not my own. what would happen if one day i picked up my phone--i can't even finish that statement.

my dear. i will always be your person to call. you're about to enter a dark, desperate place. i have been there. i meant it: don't do what i have done, don't go where i have been. if i could lock you up to keep you from destruction, i would. unfortunately, i know that once i lock the door and walk away, you'll already be twisting the key in your fingers. this is your lesson to learn. this is your battle to fight...and it tears me apart.

i hate the line between love and obligation.
it is not that it is unclear.
it is that it is way too incredibly clear
and the action behind it rips me in two--
more than two--
seventy times seven.


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