Do you ever think about me?

So! I am quite excited because because because because beacaaauuuuuusseeee!

I have found hope again. Silly how i lose it sometimes.
I think i like to look for it in strange places.

also, i have recovered my ability to hear melodies in my head.
this is incredibly exciting for me. for, you see, i used to hear these songs in my head all day every day and for some reason called i-lost-my-purpose-to-live, i had also lost this ability [the song hearing]. but today while on the way to the theater, i heard it. i heard a melody. it is a sweet one--and i cant wait to coax it out to play with me. its something like this:

under the city lights a man can lose his life
its a little bit harder to find hope
if i've locked it up in the drawer
its a little bit harder to see this light
if i've shut the door

i know you can't hear that. but i can. I CAN!
its a bit like an injury. say you're a tennis player and your arm suddenly starts to hurt so badly that you can't quite hit the ball as you're used to. your arm doesnt connect with the racket as it used to and you certainly dont send the tennis ball soaring over the net in quite the same way. so you take it easy, dont play as hard, and just wait. oh you still play, you feel you have to in order to breathe. but you certainly don't give it your all. then one glorious day, your arm feels better. without any warning or heads up, you feel great. and you're back in the swing of things.
its appreciation. and remembrance. its sweet, sweet comfort.

yes, that is exactly it.