Surprise Form.

Recently, I have been searching...or rather...accepting?
Allow me to explain.

I find myself trying to seek out life, trying to catch it and hold it captive...claim it as my own. I try to coax out the song lyrics and force them to show themselves. I try to play the matchmaker in my own love story by trying on new last names like outfits with new shoes. I try to force myself into being a real adult that tackles problems head on without any help. But where does that get me?

I so desperately want to be in control, to be the one in charge. I want to know why. I want to know detail. I want to know everything. But this, as i am sure you must have figured out, is impossible.
Then I ask myself, "Would I be content if I knew everything? What if I knew every song I was to write, the last name I was supposed to take, or the real life plan I was to come in contact with? Would I truly be satisfied?" Of course not. Then I would be seeking it out, trying to make it happen quicker, make happiness come to me sooner.

The point is:
I have come to the conclusion that life is better in surpise form. Everything that has been worth while has been a surprise. It happens unexpectedly. I haven't tried. I haven't sought it out, it's just there.

It is time I let go and stopped trying so hard.

I see you in your darkness and I hold onto you.